I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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