**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
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