All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
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