i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
