I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Randomize
