I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize