I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
