She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Randomize