i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
