here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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