Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
