Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
