new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
