I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
Randomize
