Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I woke up under a house in Key West
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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