can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
