Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
