Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
