Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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