i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
