Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
His nipple licking is glorious
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