watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
