Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
