She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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