Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize