I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
