I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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