6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
