today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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