I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
