All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
