She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
