I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
