dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I fill condoms, not promises.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
