Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
It was confusing and full of hummus
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
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