I just threw up on my dentist
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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