he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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