First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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