I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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