you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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