like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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