My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
