I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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