He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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