mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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