@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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