A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
should my penis look like a turkey
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
