on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
