when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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