You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Randomize
