This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Slut skills are useful in every country.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
