I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
