I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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