I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Say something about gay babies.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Sober January is a disaster.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
