9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
