Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize