Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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