that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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