just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
