so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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