Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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