Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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