fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
