mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
