Me. At least after what I've been through.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize
