I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
