Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Randomize
