you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
